UGH

Music: Miss Kitten - Rippin Kitten

and here i stand, wanting to push myself further and further into the rabbits hole.. eager to make sure it can bring me into the dreams and thoughts i always dreamed i could bring to life. Rather than sitting there in the back of my mind with piles and piles of dust upon them.

If only things could get easy, right now.




of course, that won't happen.


Showing my luck in the past, this last week has just been a constant tear jerker for me, and really.. ive cried a fair bit honestly. Sure i don't know where to begin or even mention, but really do these things matter.. Because i know for the main pieces of the puzzle seem a been unsolved. To be put in a place where the most important thing to you may be leaving you, because your reaching out for help is burning me. I surround myself in full rooms on weekends hoping the medication would take me away, obviously it didn't. At least ive lost some weight. The white lights near me seem to forget I'm there, and if so.. Put me as a replacement. Like I'm some spare light bulb they purchased, then forgetting they realize when they get home they purchased a pack of four and decide to keep the recently purchased globe in the pantry for another time. Yet, the white lights still don't hesitate to push themselves in front of me, making sure i know the 'good' things that are happening in their life. Disregarding the fact of course that I'm ready to blow out.

With my pockets empty, it doesn't really make me the most positive being at the moment. But I enjoy what i can until someone steals my red balloon and decides to pop it in front of me for a laugh. Yet, afterwards they still are urging me to go on the Rollercoaster with them.. yet i don't want too at all.

Nothing's really a 'Green Light' for me; I wouldn't say their indigo either. But maybe red.

I'm ready to just roll over, and forget about it. Not because im Depressed. But because im really over it.