Future!

idol

Music: Orgy

Really, his such a big idol of mine. probably my biggest.
fuck this man is fantastic.
tragic and typically queer of me. but Karl Lagerfeld is lyk omg! mai idolz!

i dont kid either.
im gonna be the next Karl!

:D!

over the pavement

brain spill

Music: Goldfrapp

Diarrhea isn't at all the most fun thing to have at 5:21am, especially when its projectile!
lol, TMI much ?

this picture ive used is far more descriptive to myself to more than most pictures i use to describe myself ...really, thoughts on my mind of how distant ive been from my friends and some family.. even people in particular who just come off as self righteous, and really im noticing the more selfishness in people everyday from alot of people around me, not one but many.. and im not liking it at all.
Thankfully theres people who understand me, and are open minded enough to actually have a conversation with that just spreads over and over rather than cheap shots and ego trips on their behalf's, im not liking how people have double standards either.. when their not double, their more like eight times that.

really, i deserve better. than people who i consider good friends.. and i feel they don't know me at all or treat me well at all. i really want some new friends, just for more satisfaction so i feel at ease around them and can actually have fun.

i miss the old days at school.
those were my happiest friendship days, spending everyday with Nate, Shelley and Penny.

sigh, i want to spend everyday with them. They make me so happy.
sigh..
im really worried about Penny, i havnt heard from her in a while.. and we hardly talk nowadays, though apparently she's been a bit quiet with everyone so i might try contact her later tonight and see if she wants to go see a movie or come hang or something, i just miss her company.
Shelley's back at school so i can understand she's a little busy and most of the time she's with Mike, which is good because both of them are happy together and really i don't mind mike, i think people need to understand the good in him, but i hopefully should be able to catch up with her on my Friday lunch break or see her on the weekend. and well i get to see Nate tonight, as he called me last night and we had a talk and yeah his gonna come over after work which i cant wait.. i just want the positive vibe i get from each of those three.

sigh!

i cant stand being around my mother much anymore btw, fuck she's driving me up the wall with her talking behind my back to everyone around the house/street ugh..
i cant wait till i can go on a vacation really.

lol . i ranted so much.
btw i NEED new clothes and NEW hair. and while im at it, i want my fucking tattoo's.

color motion

Nervous

Music: Paul Van Dyk Feat Jessica Sutta

So i wont deny at all, im nervous about tomorrow. I'm even more so nervous about being awake at this hour and showing that im awake now, i decided to open up paint and make a small compilation of what i hope to look at in the future and im making art on peoples hair much like this.. if not better. Now i havnt posted on here about this, but tomorrow i start Tafe again!
and this time its not VCE its something worthwhile and the big step in what i want to be.
you guessed it, mattys stepping up and following his dreams.

Please be sure to click on the picture above to get a good look at the artwork and beauty of whats been created on the people in there, now most of them are models i follow (their work and such), aswell as musicians but some of them are a few of my online hairdressing friends too. i just love the amount of color and style in each and everyone of the cuts i see like that, its just masterpieces that just fade away and are forgotten ..but thanks to photography their captured forever.

i think thats where my love for my main three interests all tie in together.
Hair, Makeup, Photography.
Sure i want to work in all three fields, fuck.. i would love to have a Studio that does Magazine/Model Shoots aswell as Makeup and Hair (of course its a Salon.. my TOP priority).

i can dream.
and i think.. Friday
its going to be such an eye opener to my potential, ..

s i n

Shed

Music: Earth

I'm so over getting pity for everything. When the cause's from my shit base of those trying to offer assistance. I just want to be left alone from them and shower in positive energy from my friends and people around me who can make my suicide tendicies fuck off for at least a day, and then be calm and deal with shit when im ready.. not when they are.

even when they KNOW i have fucking problems and hard trust problems, it does not equal inside their heads. is it hard to realize " when someones unhappy with their self and are trying to pick up the pieces " you don't make them anymore depressed. it also goes for when someone is crying and screaming and want to be left alone, you don't fucking pester them anymore.. their at breaking point. but for someone like myself, im stuck at breaking point and i feel so gutted. I'm over people trying to control me, their becoming non beneficial and holding me back from who i am, really their stealing my confidence completely.

If only i could open my brain for all to see the art and pain thats inside there.
i guess saying i get headaches constantly and they never go away is perhaps a peak of whats going on inside my head.
ugh

Power Out

Egotistical World

Music: The Arcade Fire

im just opening my eyes to the world as a Nineteen year old and noticing how egotistical people around me and the world are. I always found myself in the sanctuary of my friendships and bonds with people i talked to online and in front of my eyes. but the more i think i come with the age and experience of things, i can't help but feel i missed something major along the way and here i am finally understanding it.

i don't see why i couldn't know what it was when i was at Biba (old work) finding myself crying in the bathroom in fear of loosing the job or just failing. because really the failures i took from arguments from people and mistakes i have made are so painful, and i think now its understandable.. perhaps it was to make me stronger as a person, teach me a lesson, make me smarter, or just be cruel. the list really does go on doesn't it. Or even when i found my drunkard father beating me in my own bed when i was asleep with the smell of cheap wine and beer all over the oxygen i was be breathing, and suffocating in.

i don't believe i have been so beyond understanding this.
i guess it's as they say, we grow with age.

Divinya Chronicles 1

Divinya

Music: LCD Soundsystem

Well here she is, my heart and soul of Warcraft. and what i am. a Rogue.
sure enough im not a female, but in game eh i don't mind being cute and jolly all the time.. gives me a break from my recent character of being a Blood Elf Male. yet he is only level 10.

but Divinya, my level 70. and of course my Main.
but really after all of my searching and journeys through Warcraft, i still can't find the right guild for me and always picking up Pug Groups for instances. yet alone the desperate want to run raids, as i was actually lucky in one of my last guilds to be taken to Gruul's lair as a replacement, sure i got no loot and sure everyone around me had been there a good few times trying to complete the goddamn thing, but it was nice and actually felt worthwhile to come along to get even the understanding of how Gruul's Lair works and such.

But emptyness and sadness sinks in when old friends of a guild i used to be in wanted me to come back so i can raid and join in the fun of the "old time" fun we used to have before i left to search for Divinya's Epics. but yet, wheres my spot in Kara ? wheres my spot in anything ?
Divinya is feeling left out, and stuck with the constant grind and bore of Outland.. sure enough i love Outland, i mean loads of fun and adventure to go along the way but its sad when doing things alone. I know people want to play that way, but i would love to find a guild worthwhile and understanding of each other instead of body count of members.

Maybe soon, Divinya can find her space in Warcraft.
but for now, grinding.

Justice

Justice - †

Music: Justice

from the moment i heard Justice a while ago thanks to my friend zach, i instantly have fallen in love with their art of the music they create, its absolutely amazing. it's defiantly a band any Daft Punk fan will fall love, as both bands come from similar music backgrounds and tastes i can defiantly see Justice around for a very long time. so far i have listened to their album twice and really it is rather a must listen for electronica fans out there. complete with their music videos which really are pure art as much as their music is, watching and listening just completes the experience. with the lack of vocals its defiantly a good reminisce on familiar artists and music under the electronica genre, as when the vocals come into the upcoming songs as you listen to the album they take on homage to artists like Michael Jackson, etc and with their fun and happy good feel about the song the lyrics are sure to make you enjoy what the music is about it the background. having a good time. Be sure to check out the music video to "D.A.N.C.E " which as i mention about Michael Jackson, this song is about and dedicated to the king of pop himself.